Calvin: Yeah. All these equations are like miracles. You take two
numbers and when you add them, they magically become one NEW number!
No one can say how it happens. You either believe it or you don't.
[Pointing at his math book] This whole book is full of things that
have to be accepted on faith! It's a religion!
Hobbes: And in the public schools no less. Call a lawyer.
Calvin: [Looking at his homework] As a math athiest, I should be
excused from this.
tolls.
God's command to us: Live not on evil.
ASHes to ASHes. DOS to DOS.
What does the Adam and Eve virus do to your computer?
It takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Isaac Azimov is a creationist.
Hint: While he was living, Isaac Azimov was an athiest and believed in
evolution. He died recently ....
When a mathematician is looking for a wife, what should he say?
I like the PI-ous one the best.
What does an analytic mathematician say when he is drowning?
log-alog, log-alog, log-alog
An English mathematician was asked by his very religious collegue,
'Do you believe in one God?'
He answered, 'Yes, up to isomorphism.'
A particle physicist's view of God: He's a little strange,
always tells the truth, and has lots of charm and beauty.
God couldn't be too rigid when He created fluid mechanics.
Son: 'Dad, would you do my homework tonight?'
Father: 'No son; it wouldn't be right.'
Son: 'Well, at least you could try.'
How can you tell that Harvard Divinity School was laid out by a mathematician?
Because the div school is right next to the grad school.
What is the motto of the Mathematics Department of a Christian Univiersity?
Secant, and ye shall find.
The trouble I have arguing religion with Mobius is that he thinks there is
only one side to every question.
Hint: A Mobius strip is a closed loop that has only one side.
To make a Mobius strip, take a long thin strip of paper. Assume it is
black on one side and white on the other. Bring the two ends together, but
before you tape the ends, turn one end over so that you tape the
black side of one end
to the white side of the other end. Now
start drawing a line along the strip. You
will find that you can draw a line, starting at the black/white junction, all
the
way around the strip, covering both the black and white sides,
and come back to where you started without crossing the edge.
A strip, joined the normal way, with the outside white and the inside
black has two sides. If you start at the junction and trace along the white
side, you cannot get to the black side without crossing over the edge.
A mathematician named Klein
Thought the Mobius Band was divine.
Said he, "If you glue
The edges of two
You get a weird bottle like mine."
Geometry keeps you in shape.
Decimals make a point.
Einstein was ahead of his time.
Lobachevski was out of line.
There Once Was a Breathy Baboon_ by Sir Arthur Eddington
There once was a breathy baboon
Who always breathed down a bassoon,
For he said, "It appears
That in billions of years
I shall certainly hit on a tune."
Hint: Part of the claims of evolutionism is that given enough time,
molecules are arranged to create life.
A graduate student at Trinity
Computed the square of infinity.
But it gave him the fidgets
To put down the digits,
So he dropped math and took up divinity.
Q: How many topologists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It really doesn't matter, since they'd rather knot.
Sign on the road between Jerusalem and Bethlehem:
Bethlehem: 5^2 - 4/.4 - SQRT(16) miles
Hint: 25 - 10 - 4 = 11 miles
"Jerusalem, built as a city with compact unity." (Psalm 122:3)
It can be covered with a finite number of closed sets.
Electrons have no mass. Gee, I didn't know they weren't Catholic.
Sign on the wall of a church in Munich, Germany:
Heisenberg MAY have worshipped here.
Hint: Heisenberg discovered, postulated the uncertainty principle.
Godel can't PROVE he was here.
Descartes THOUGHT he was here.
A year spent studying artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe
in God.
If God is perfect, why did He create discontinuous functions?
There was a young man who said "God,
I find it exceedingly odd,
That the willow oak tree
Continues to be,
When there's no one about in the Quad."
"Dear Sir, your astonishment's odd,
For I'm always about in the Quad;
And that's why the tree,
Continues to be,"
Signed "Yours faithfully, God."
Nature and nature's laws lay hid in night,
God said, "Let Newton be," and all was light.
It did not last; the devil howling "Ho!
Let Einstein be!" restored the status quo.
Chemistry is applied theology.
-- Augustus Stanley Owsley III
Christmas Poem for Computer Scientists
better !pout !cry
better watchout
lpr why
santa claus < north pole > town
cat /etc/passwd > list
ncheck list
ncheck list
cat list | grep naughty > nogiftlist
cat list | grep nice > giftlist
santa claus < north pole > town
who | grep sleeping
who | grep awake
who | egrep 'bad|good'
for (goodness sake) {
be good
}
Creation Revisited
On the 7th day, God exited append mode.
If God is perfect, why did He create discontinuous functions?
Nursery tale: Frog -> Prince (t=instantaneous)
Evolution: Frog -> Prince (t=300 million years)
God didn't create the world in a week. He goofed off for 6 days and then He
pulled an all-nighter!
On the other hand...
If God had had a secretary, He could have made the world by Thursday and
then taken a 3 day weekend!
One monkey is talking to another:
'Of course, I'd like to evolve
into something better, but what could that possibly be?'
One fish in a fishbowl to another fish:
'I'll tell you something else I think. I think there are other bowls
somewhere out there with intelligent life just like ours.'
Earth is a beta site.
How do you change ape into man by changing one letter at a time?
Answer
Creation
A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist were arguing
about whose profession was the oldest. In the course of their
arguments, they got all the way back to the Garden of Eden, whereupon
the doctor said, "The medical profession is clearly the oldest, because
Eve was made from Adam's rib, as the story goes, and that was a simply
incredible surgical feat."
The architect did not agree. He said, "But if you look at the
Garden itself, in the beginning there was chaos and void, and out of
that, the Garden and the world were created. So God must have been an
architect."
The computer scientist, who had listened to all of this said,
"Yes, but where do you think the chaos came from?"
In the Garden of Eden, God is giving Adam a
geometry lesson: "Two parallel lines intersect at infinity. It can't be
proved but I've been there."
Which came first: the chicken or the egg?
Answer: The chicken.
Gen 1:20: And God said, "let the water bring forth abundantly
the moving creatures that have life and fowl that fly above the earth."
A little girl's view of Creation: Of course God created man first. He was
a rough draft. Then God created woman.
God created Man.
Then He said, "I can do better than that!"
And He created Woman.
In the beginning there was nothing. Then God created light. And now you
could see the nothing.
Mrs. Johnson the elementary school math teacher was having children do
problems on the blackboard that day.
'Who would like to do the first problem, addition?'
No one raised their hand. She called on Tommy, and with some help he
finally got it right.
'Who would like to do the second problem, subtraction?'
Students hid their faces. She called on Mark, who got the problem but
there was some suspicion his girlfriend Lisa whispered it to him.
'Who would like to do the third problem, division?'
Now a low collective groan could be heard as everyone looked at
nothing in particular. The teacher called on Suzy, who got it right
(she has been known to hold back sometimes in front of her friends).
'Who would like to do the last problem, multiplication?'
Tim's hand shot up, surprising everyone in the room. Mrs. Johnson
finally gained her composure in the stunned silence. 'Why the
enthusiasm, Tim?'
'God said to go fourth and multiply!'
Noah and the Ark
Noah, after the flood subsided, opened the doors of the Ark and released
the animals. All living things rushed to freedom, except two snakes who
lingered in a corner. "Why don't you go forth and multiply?" asked Noah.
"We can't," sighed the snakes. "We're adders!"
After the earth dries out, Noah tells all the animals to 'go forth
and multiply'. However, two snakes, adders to be specific, complain to
Noah that this is one thing they have never been able to do, hard as
they have tried. Undaunted, Noah instructs the snakes to go into the
woods, make tables from the trunks of fallen trees and give it a try
on the tabletops.
The snakes respond that they don't understand how this will help them
to procreate.
Noah explains: "Well, even adders can multiply
using log tables!"
Noah must have taken into the ark two taxes, one male and one female. And
did they ever multiply!
Moses and the Ten Commandments
Picture of Moses holding the 10 Commandments:
Frankly, no, they're NOT just a rough draft.
Same scene:
No, they are NOT the 10 Suggestions.
Why there are only 10 Commandments:
Moses is holding 2 tablets while God is writing the 11th Commandment on a 3rd
tablet:
Thou Shalt Be Patient.
Moses says "Thanks, Lord, but I don't have time to wait."